Time to Say Goodbye

Today at 2PM, Scott and I had to let Presley go. She had been in so much pain, especially this past week, and I truly believe she was ready to go.

We made the decision a couple days ago because she had fallen down a couple times and was in so much pain that she didn't want to sit or lay down. She'd only lay down after pacing for hours on end and exhausting herself.

Last night in the early evening, we helped Presley lay down on her bed that we brought into the living room. To help her, we stood a large flat board up on end along with her bed in front of it. Then we positioned her parallel to the bed and tipped her on her side as we slowly lowered the board and bed to the ground. It was very gentle and she never yelped or struggled.

We put a blanket on her and Scott gave all the girls a special bone. Presley looked very content as she munched on her bone and watched a movie with us. She slept on and off during the movie, but looked really comfortable the entire time.

After the movie, we all moved to the bedroom where she sat down and watched me as I brushed my teeth in the bathroom. I was so surprised to see her sit because she hadn't sat in weeks because of the pain in her rear left leg. She slowly lowered herself to the ground and fell fast asleep.

She slept very soundly last night for the first time in months. She only got up once to go potty. After I helped her get back onto her bed by holding it up next to her and tipping her and the bed to the ground, I didn't hear another a peep out of her. I tossed and turned for the next few hours, but she had a very restful and peaceful night sleep.

This morning I took her with me in the Jeep to run some errands. I bought her a cheddar cheese bagel and fed her little pieces as we drove around listening to music and enjoying the sunny springlike day. We visited with my mom, Christine and Amanda. Then we visited with Steve (Daddy). Then we went home to hang out with Scott, Diesel and Bristol.

While at home, she rested on her bed but she never really fell asleep. She seemed a little anxious. Diesel laid close to her and Bristol kept trying to kiss her face, but she growled to shoo her away.

Just a few minutes before it was time to leave for the vet, Diesel and Bristol sort of swarmed around her, sniffing and kissing her the whole time. It only lasted a few seconds but it was really strange, as if they were saying goodbye in their own special way.

A few minutes before two, we left the younger girls in the backyard and headed to the vet. After Scott lifted her out of the van, she made a beeline for the front door of the vet's office. Once inside, she went over to the scale (she knows the drill). She weighed in at about 74 pounds.

Then the receptionist opened the door that leads to the examination rooms and Presley made another beeline for the exam room. Once inside the room, she ran right over to the garbage basket but I stopped her before she could grab anything from inside the basket.

As we waited for the doctor, she hid for a bit under the table, bumping her head a couple times. Then came over to stand next to me and gave me one kiss as I scratched and rubbed her. When she had enough of that, she hopped over to where Scott was standing on the other side of the room.

Then the receptionist came in and asked us which type of container we wanted for Presley's ashes. Steve is going to get her ashes; I really don't want them. After we picked a container, the doctor and the vet tech came in.

We chatted with Dr. Georgiev for a few minutes, explaining to her why we felt it was time for Presley to go. Then Dr. G explained the procedure and I broke down crying. I told everyone in the room that I didn't think I could stay in the room. Then Presley came over to me and sat down next to me, which was pretty amazing because she hadn't really sat in weeks.

With her by my side, I was able to gain my composure. Scott lifted Presley up onto the table and Dr. G and the vet tech helped to get her settled laying down on her side. Scott and I cradled her head and talked to her, as Dr. G inserted the pink liquid into her vein.

Within a few seconds, everything went still. Her eyes stayed open, even though I kept trying to close them. Dr. G listened for her heartbeat and declared that she was gone. After Dr. G and the vet tech left the room, Scott and I hugged and cried for a few minutes.

We turned to Presley one more time. Her body was still warm but slowly her paws were getting cold and her eyes were glassy and empty. She had a little twitch in her lip. I lifted her gums to see her teeth, which showed some decay because we had stopped brushing her teeth regularly. We even touched her nails, which she would never let us do. We both gave her butt a quick scratch one more time and we left the room.

Although I miss her terribly and I'm in a bit of shock that she's gone, I also have a sense of relief. To watch her health decline so quickly was hanging over my head this whole time. At first I tried to ignore the signs, hoping her pain would magically go away. I kept thinking that if she stopped eating or couldn't get up to go potty, that would be the sign.

But when the pain just kept getting worse and we had maxed out the dosage on her pain meds, it was becoming obvious that the time had come. Thankfully Scott was able to keep a level head and make all of the arrangements with the doctor. He had actually contacted the doctor before I was able to say the words. I kept thinking it but I just couldn't bring myself to say that it was time.

These past months have been a long journey. From the diagnosis and amputation, through recovery and up until the end, Presley was very brave and very strong. And she always watched over me, like a furry little angel, as she always had everyday for the past 10 years.

We had tried everything we could to fight the cancer and then to make her comfortable. When we could no longer help her, we knew it was time to say goodbye.